We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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