A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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