Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
