That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
