evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
