If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
