The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
