Buhtt sex?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
