Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
