Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
