my mouth tastes like poor choices
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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