I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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