Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I will be naked everywhere
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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