2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can tuck mytits in my pants
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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