She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
