Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
