Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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