at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
