In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
