I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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