watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
