Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
