I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
