I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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