Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
