no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
