Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
