Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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