Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
