hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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