i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
