Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
this is an emotional support booty call
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
