That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
