peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
