I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
