Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
