it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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