I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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