tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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