I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
