Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
