So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
