Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
