even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
