it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You took a bar mat shot.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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