I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
