if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
