currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
