The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You made out with two different species that night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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