Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
